Very few things in life are worse than being in a half empty movie theater and a single guy sits in a seat next to you. Ok, let me start off by saying I value the movie experience. Before reserved seats, I would get to the movies extra early to ensure I not only got prime seating, but I got to see all the previews. I can’t stand people that come late to the movies but that’s a whole other blog. Back to my original thought. So, I buy tickets online early for movies. I always chose the third row and will purposely chose two seats for me and my wife one space between an occupied seat. That gives me a great chance that no one will pick an individual seat between two people. I understand if the movies are sold out, but this one was not. We went to the movies at 10:30 pm on a Sunday night. As I’m walking to my seat, I see a middle-aged doofus with a family size popcorn, large drink, and two snacks. Figured he was with family. Nope, it was just him, his family portion of food, and crocs with socks. Just begging to be a lead suspect in a craigslist prostitute sting. I go ahead and sit down because on the other side of the seat I purchased is a middle-aged woman. Weird for my wife to be sitting next to a life size version of a good guy doll and me sitting next to a soccer mom who has likely asked to see a manager 3.2x per week. I begrudgingly sit down, already annoyed. Now this experience isn’t what put pen to pad on this blog entry, but it was a nice initiation into it.
A few days later, after I finish my late morning workout, I head to Speedway to get a cup of coffee. For some reason, this Speedway is always packed. They have a new little restaurant inside so that draws a lot of the local construction workers in. I’m standing in line. Now I’m going to make this as visual as possible. Everyone is standing in two lines. Its 4 people in the line next to me and three people including me in the line I’m in. It’s plenty of room because I was able to take 3 full steps up before I was violating the next persons personal space. For some reason, the hair on the back of my neck…. well those that know me know I have no neck….so back of my head started to stand up. I turn around and almost catch a guy with a Ron Artest elbow to the jaw he’s that close. I proceed to move up and this guy moves up the exact same amount I moved up like he’s playing tight man to man defense with no backside help. I really try to avoid confrontation at all cost. I’m a 6’0 humongous black man so my presence is already a scene. I don’t want these suburban police ‘all lives mattering’ me. I move forward again. 2 things happened that pissed me off to the moon and back. The first thing, why on God’s potholed filled earth is this guy violating my personal space like this. Secondly, why is the lady at the register taking so damn long paying for her donuts, coffee, hot dogs, and cigarettes? Her breath and teeth just got to be rotten. I politely turn around and say, “excuse me sir, you mind if we give each other some additional space”. Now I thought that’s how it sounded coming out of my mouth at the time. Given that numerous people in the gas station looked at me, I’m sure it was more on the lines of, “my man, get off my ass”. Let’s just settle on something in the middle. Any who, I pay for my coffee. On a side note, why do people wait until they get to the register to go digging for payment? Did you think they were going to decide that you don’t have to pay today? Let me know when that works. So, I finally get home and my wife texts me, “lets stay in tonight and just spend some time together”. It’s poker night, I’m assuming she forgot but it got me thinking, a lot of our relationships in life have heavy P.S.I involved. Personal Space Invaders.
A lot of people, especially older folks think marriage and relationships are the most important relationships you will ever have. I agree to a point. I believe it’s ‘one’ of the most important relationships you will ever have. Here are some uncomfortable truths. A marriage or committed romantic relationship will likely end before your relationship with, a best friend, church leader, or family member. I know what some of you are saying, “my spouse or significant other is my best friend”. Hmmm. Maybe. Maybe not. Ready for that next inconvenient truth? A spouse is the only relationship of serious impact that starts on the basis of “Quid Pro Quo”. You can give me all the lubby dubby romance all you want, it was something each of you desired in the other person and your behavior and treatment of that person was altered to obtain that. Even in the slightest way. Here is a question to ask yourself. Ladies, how many of your female friends are like your husband or boyfriend? Fellas, how many of your boys are like your wife or girlfriend? That’s right strain your brain trying to find obscure similarities like, ‘they both love Popeyes’. Moving on, let’s get back to the point. Many people frown on one person asking or needing space from their significant other. I always found that strange. I need space from my own Mama and she birthed me and cleaned my shit shit SHITTY ass daily. There isn’t a person on planet earth I could spend all day everyday with. Hell, I can’t even deal with myself every day. Some days I just shut me down. It’s like, if you don’t want to be around me for one 4-5 hour block out of the week you’re some type of animal. I just find it strange how you can be friends with someone for 20 plus years and not see or talk to them in days, weeks, or months, and when you do talk or see them it’s all love. Meanwhile, after 10 hours, our significant others of 1, 3, or 4 years treat you like you left them in Chernobyl. Some will say, “it’s a different type of love”. I say you are right. It’s more than love. It’s an irrational attraction. A need to replace a void created by numerous factors navigating life in the gray with broken sunglasses.
Ok. I bet a lot of readers, primarily women are feeling a certain way. Well keep on reading, your views might change. You ever met someone, got to know them. Then months or even years later you find out they have a significant other? Honestly, if you can go months without knowing someone is married and you talk to them, their purpose was for you not to know. Let’s be real here. Hell, it’s hard for a cheater to keep the fact he or she is married on the low. You must put in a concentrated effort to keep that on the low. We all seen that person. Never with their significant other. Never any signs of them even being romantically involved if you luck up and see them out. It’s crazy because the personal space zone that you have is reserved to be crossed by a significant other. That essentially is a main difference between a friend and someone you are seriously involved with. Unless of course that person is just a sex buddy. That’s a whole other blog so let’s move on. Here is a newsflash, holding hands at the store or mall isn’t P.S.I. Cuddling after sex isn’t P.S.I. Although, cuddling all night is truly uncomfortable and that arm in the morning is dead. Just a note for further reference. Any who, being a man in my 30s, I see this prevailing attitude about personal space in relationships a bit extreme to the opposite of what the older generation thinks. While I believe there are many people in one’s life who are important, I can’t diminish my significant others place in my life because of my need for personal space. If you need that much space, you can’t live with 2 people in a studio apartment closet. Get what I’m saying? No? “YOU PROBABLY NEED TO BREAK IT OFF”. I guess the prevailing point is balance. Space and distance grows the heart fond. Always liked that phrase. But relationships are like Wi-Fi. We become use to having it. When you didn’t have it, you craved it. Once we got it we connected all our gadgets to it and it began to slow down, not giving our priority devices enough bandwidth. Then as we move away from our Wi-Fi, the signal fades. We try to get closer to the signal but if we are away from it long enough, we connect to another network. That is relationships in a truly dorky comparison. It’s a lot of networks in the world of gray. Be careful, a lot of times the strongest connections get lost.